Saturday, December 23, 2017

Top Five Worst Movies of 2016

#5: Warcraft
I was torn over this movie when I reviewed it, but over time I ultimately decided there were too many problems with Warcraft to not put it on the list. From the lack of European accents, to the fact that we seem to be starting this series in the middle of a trilogy, to the strange editing, as much as I hate to admit it, this film just kinda sucks. No two ways about it, the people working on this movie really screwed up what could have been an amazing trilogy of films. I hope a sequel comes along, or a prequel, but at this point, I doubt that that's likely to happen. Shame really, I would love to see more of this if they'd bother to do it right next time.
#4: Ghostbusters: Answer The Call
Of course this movie was going to be here. I had a spot on this list reserved for Answer The Call as soon as I saw the movie. It's not bad enough to put higher up on the list, but Jesus fuckmothering Christ this managed to find new ways to not be funny, or to fail as a movie. Warcraft was at least a beautiful movie, Answer The Call somehow manages to screw up even the ghost effects. CGI bleeding out of the letterbox, ghosts that look like they were ripped from Luigi's Mansion, and a whole movie made from less than half of another one? Sony, why did you think this would work?
#3: The Angry Birds Movie
For as much as Answer The Call caused me to sigh with contempt, The Angry Birds Movie actually made me kind of mad, funnily enough. Not wildly mad, just angry enough at the premise, the characters, the plot and the running time that I remembered it enough to put it in this slot of the list. This movie is the most copy-paste, derivative children's film that I've seen in years. Notice that I said "children's film," Answer The Call and my number two pick are also massively derivative.
#2: Sausage Party
Any other year, this might have been the worst movie released. With the same plot and characters as Angry Birds, but more irritating characters and story, Sausage Party actually stirred up a rather significant amount of anger in me. This movie can go die in a fire and I hope we never get any sequels. For as much as this movie should work, it just fucking doesn't. Fuck this movie, but special thanks to Seth Rogen, who apparently liked my review (Or at least liked my tweet about it without reading the review).
#1: Captain America: Civil War
I heavily debated what I would pick as the worst movie of the year, but all in all, there wasn't a single movie in 2016 that made me as angry, sad, and disappointed as Captain America: Civil War. Made solely to cash in on the superhero versus trend that Marvel figured would start with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, but Marvel seemed to forget that they were the trendsetters of the last decade, not the trend-followers. With an incoherent plot that depends entirely on coincidence, the Russo's not only managed to screw up Iron Man, Captain America and Black Widow, but also Baron Zemo and freaking Spider-Man. "Miscast" is an understatement when referring to Tom Holland's version of Spider-Man. His powers are inconsistent, he's obviously hiding his foreign accent, his suit is somehow less comic-accurate than the one from the Raimi movies or The Amazing Spider-Man, and he literally just shows up for two scenes and then is gone from the movie. Iron Man reacts like an idiot, Captain America was a moron for not telling Tony about his parents being killed by Hydra, Zemo's plan shouldn't work, and Black Panther doesn't stop the fighting once he captures Zemo. I covered this piece of glorified trash enough in my review though, so you can search for that on the site if you want to know more about why this movie is a complete disaster.

For the most part, Sony dominated this list, which isn't a surprise considering what they were putting out last year.

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