Friday, August 3, 2012

Worst Game Awards Part 1:

this is where i dole out in no particular order awards for what i think are the worst games. maybe I'll come up with a name for the award, but who knows.

i just had to start with this one since it's one of the ones that frustrates me the most. no matter how far i get, or how high my level is (or stats, etc) when i die i get reset back to the base amount. it's annoying since it doesn't let you save unless you die or something, i haven't gotten far enough to know that. i have it on the four-in-one GameCube disc: The Legend of Zelda: Collectors Edition with The Legend of Zelda, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, so with the GameCube controller it's a lot more comfortable than with the old NES controllers. Part of what is wrong with it is it tries to add RPG elements to the game, which fails miserably. here's my entire list:

#1) it's a side-scroller for the action sequences. that in itself isn't enough to make it fail alone but read the rest and you'll see why.
#2) it contains a variation on perma-death. i myself hate the idea of a game (especially an RPG) that erases all of the player hard-earned stats and equipment and spells as soon as they hit 0 HP and 0 1UPs. this alone is enough to make me hate a game as i don't take too kindly to having my character erased after i slip up or if my batteries run out in my WaveBird controller.
#3) it uses XP and such. it wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that the Experience System is so convoluted that i can't figure out how Shigeru Miyamoto allowed it to be in the game, much less to be so hard to increase and yet so pivotal to beating the game.
i'm not sure if i need to go into a whole host of reasons right now, i'll do more in a later review, but trust me, you're gonna be mad at Nintendo and crushing your controller out of rage. it's really hard, and therefore not standable for long periods of play. it will make you hate everything you know and question how Nintendo managed to get this far into the Zelda series with this being the second game. fortunately they never redid this style, although it has been ported ad nauseam (*shakes head and sighs*) this is a game that needs to be remade into the style of Ocarina of Time, remember i mentioned in an earlier post that i wanted this to be one of the 3D Motion+ remakes for Wii U? yeah, this one should be top priority. this gets a (*photoshop sound*) this gets a 2.9* because it still has potential to be a good game for anyone with the patience to play it.

i can't think of a name for my bad game award. oh well.

why? this is like (no wait, it is!) a bad clone of Sonic The Hedgehog, minus the cool music and adding in a bad "free the prisoners" mechanic where you have to free the mice from cages which are almost impossible to find, shoddy reaction time, and anyone who's played any version of Sonic The Hedgehog in 2D can tell it's a blatant ripoff. i used to play this as a placeholder until i got a Genesis and some Sonic games but then i discovered the Sonic Advance series and gave up on that. really there isn't much to list i haven't already, i could criticize the graphics or story or jokes or premise but i don't want to. 2.4*

Ok, on how many levels and how many times can i say this sucks bad? The cutscenes are sprites on a static background, it makes TERRIBLE use of the motion control on the Wii, the story is corny, the fight scenes are just you following the screen-prompts, it's like Guitar Hero: Martial Arts Edition except no cool music,  bad response time (which is odd for a Motion+ game) and impossible challenges that you are required to finish to progress. also, the voice acting and scripting is terrible. 0.7*

that's all for part one. this might become a weekly series, or a daily one. who knows? anyways until i have rated and written up all the bad games i can find i will not end the series, and since there will never be a shortage of terrible games this series shall go on for a while. yippee.